Kraft Singles

For dinner, I made myself a grilled cheese and whipped up a cup of clam chowder soup.
I reminisced over the smell of the clam chowder as it sat in the frying pan I used, to make my grilled cheese.

My mom used to make clam chowder, but she used the soup as a pasta sauce. We had pasta every night of the week. She would make what seemed to be, enough pasta for a small army. But kids eyes exaggerate what they can't reach.

Most days my dad would stay in his garage converted "office". I could hear him and his buddies throwing back a few beers and watching the tv. When my parents weren't busy working, they were busy cleaning or arguing. I played by myself a lot. I suppose that's where entertaining came in. Me and any mirror were best friends. We'd talk and dance and play for hours.

I remember the first boy I liked. I remember my romantic fairy tales I'd conjure in my head. I remember being teased by my parents. I remember not wanting to share a thing with them until later. I remember not wanting to be a romantic. I was so forward after 18 years, my father was more happy that I wasn't a lesbian rather than the fact I told him I had sex.

And As my innocence corroded, came the so called relationships, but I would have to say, I've really had only one boyfriend.

We broke up 5 months ago, and it hadn't really struck me till I saw him with another girl. flirting and touching and smiling, like the day we first met. I felt it was a bit disrespectful as I had been very considerate to not force him to watch my pursuits (of which I had many after the break up).

So thankfully due to our bizarre and very open and honest relationship, I brought it up. We discussed his concerns, my concerns, his jealousy, my jealousy. Then we spoke of friends, God, and then family. I was shocked and concerned to hear he had a phobia of marriage.

"I never want to get married. Its something people do when they get lonely and bored. All of my married friends don't do anything. They just stay home and go to work, then they have kids, and then what! They just get bored. But I suppose its something I'll do"

I unwrapped the Kraft Single American cheese. I rarely ever use this processed packaged queso. "Grow up" I thought to myself, projecting how I felt about my ex on this grade school excuse for cheese. But is that what we are. Are all singles my age (late 20's) pre packaged just waiting to be sandwiched into some perfect idea of a delicious toasty sandwich? Perhaps. It does seem that way. But I challenge a difference.