so guess what!

i'm getting motivated!!!

i woke up at 6
i went on a run
i ran out of breath
i walked:)

I cleaned the front deck,
i made clippings of flowers,
i took out the trash,
i found some worms....gross

I did the dishes,
i mopped the floor,
i straightened my hair,
i finished my paper work

I went to the bank
the bank was closed
i can't pay my bills now
i
am
broke


but on the brighter side i still have to go to work
and hope that some part of today will motivate the words and tune i'm hoping and prayin for

do i stay or do i go now doododododod..

and the recent "gossip"....oh wait.. i don' have any
other than i'm at coffee shop that is way too trendy and some girl with her cute mini coup can't drive and almost hit me...good job.

at home and thinking

herro. i've just spent way too much time on the computer now realizing i was sposed to contact the rental company to honor my darn coupon so i'm not stuck in sb.
thinkin bout moving..again. so we'll see....but here are my old roommates. bring it! thanks bank:)

next!

5/8/209
in a plane
again.
and i found myself doing something i never thought i would have or do...
a routine.
I somewhat noticed my tendency but shoved it off. but today. marking the 20 billionth plane ride i’ve had this year, i noticed it.

my noticed schedule when flying goes something like this:
I wake up in the morning, with my clothes ready to hurriedly throw on.
After doing so i rattle on my roommates door “ you ready?”
we scramble in the car and arrive at the airport.
Thankfully, Nashville airport is apreciatively small, so gettin there 30 minutes before take off is close..but doable.

I check in, get to security, unzip my bag and without a blink of an eye, shoes scarf, and jacket off, 2 bins. one for my clothes, wallet, and random items the other for my computer, zip my carry ons through the machine, ticket in my mouth, and then with ticket now in my hand, i walk through with a smile praying that they don’t need to check me. I then proceed to my gate. After lingering at the gate for a while...i contemplate do i want something to drink? a magazine? and realize i have bt 2 minutes to board my plane.

I watch everyone freak out and scramble really tightly to squeeze themselves even more tightly into the plane, then when there are less people i decide to have my ticket scanned. I put my bag up top, and one under my seat, and by this time i am either relieved or annoyed when i notice my seat. middle isn’t always bad....just when you’re between a loud mouth, a somewhat larger person who has the window side, or a douchy guy who looks at you like...its my lucky day. gross..

and this is where i noticed all my patterns. I sit down, and immediately pick up the sky mall magazine. I flip through and stare at each item as if i’d never seen them before. some of them i laugh at but wonder who on the other side is making big bucks for something i wish i had invented ie the “stand at a distance bug vacuum” or the “looks like a rock but isn’t” . Today it must have hit me or something. or i just memorized it to the point of boredom....but i still skimmed through that magazine for a bout 30 minutes, and i noticed What is it about growing up and having routines!!!! I never used to do this? I’d get so bored with something i’d strive for something new!

In noticing my tick of a ro utine, I also noticed something else correlating to my recent disturbance. I lost a bit of my luster for music. I’ve thought about going back into acting and i might very well do that but so much “appeared” to me today. I remember getting to the airport or train station and immediately going to the magazine counter and buying the next nylon, blender, or flaunt. I’d skim throug and read everything front back top to bottom side to side, heck upside down!! and i was on top of the world. This luster took me to a whole new world of possibilities with no routine, no agenda, just go. breathe. live.

I can’t say routines are all that horrible. I have relied on somewhat of a routine the past few weeks. i wake up water the plants i’m attempting to grow, do the dishes, some laundry, make breakfast, go to work, but smething is still missing.

am i losing myself to a routine?

To post or not to post

so yes i suck major
I need to and would LOVE to be better at keeping up with this blog, and because i am indeed trying to be a bit more routine with my life. i'm going to begin right ....now.

so... whats up. well i'll tell you whats up.....



ps...it sounds like i'm saying that " in california is having a recession..but i'm fully aware its the usa. i say "and" just want to clarify..