Its simple..be honest with yourself

Ha!

I've been told again, that maybe..just maybe my standards on trust in people is too high. I was also told that anything someone does for me is never enough. Its always wrong, and I'm impossible to please. I never thought I'd hear the words I'd yell at my father about towards me.

You tell yourself in the mirror, "When I grow up I will never be like my parents" Too bad I'm just like everyone who finds them self with their finger pointed at their child. The shock of this gesture doesn't make you stop. Oh no! You keep going! And as much as I hate to admit it, I'm just like my father.

I Love my dad. He's charismatic, generous, inventive, but he has a temper that is intolerable and is stubborn as a crooked nail. I never wanted to hear that I was difficult to please. I never meant for tears to come down a grown mans face as he pleaded with me to trust him, but I couldn't. And I can't.

There's something we as humans hate to do, admit we're wrong! We're embarrassed and hide behind our subconscious. I learned a long time ago, that this type of behavior, helps no one. And although it may hurt to tell someone the truth, and of course being tactful about it, you can save a stream of tears. There are times when its best to keep your mouth shut, especially when its to be spiteful. My problem is when someone says they are going to do one thing, and then do the complete opposite.

Too often people lie to their significant others. "Honey, I'm going out. Be back at midnight!" What he forgot to tell you, is he went out to the bar to meet the bartender that's been juggling his pin balls if you know what I mean.

Then there's the case of "I did have to go to the bathroom, just by the time I got there I went straight past it and made out with the waitress" It just disgusts me.

What would happen if we were just honest with ourselves and said "you know what...i want something more adventurous. we need to separate" would someone be upset .. yes! but it would be honest, and the pain of that is a lot simpler than walking in and seeing the scene over and over again. Her leg lifted up on his hip, his hands wrapped behind her neck, pressed against a table..and you are but 2 feet away. Part of you wants it to be a mirage..and the other part wants to punch a wall.

So you see this horrid scene and then you continue to see it for the next some odd years so that when anyone comes your way all you wonder is, "how long until he gets bored" So you separate, and when he tries to do something sweet..you wonder why. What did he do now. Or when he gets a text message your heart skips a thousand beats, or when you decide to go to a dinner party you scan the room looking for his type, which is of course not you, and realize they're making eyes at one another, and you wonder...have they already been together behind my back.

This is obviously not new to me. I am a basket case when it comes to relationships. I'm great at initially trusting, but i can smell a rat before they even begin to die and rot. I am an open bag. you come to me, I will trust you way too much. If you answer dishonestly, i lose my trust and its a lifetime of gaining it back...

So anyone who is honest enough with themselves to handle the challenge, call me up. And those who think they can handle. Stop. Think. Be honest with yourself, and don't break my heart. I have enough journals of sob stories.