exhausted

i think i just did the most amazing job ever..in my life...yeah..i did.

My band, Senior year, just did what we were made to do; play at a High School..and during lunch. oh yeah. i'm not even kidding. it was fantastic. now if only i had some footage.

We were so into it, i think we blew High School Musical out of the water. ..actually yes we did:)

We were jumping on chairs and tables, and at one point this girl jumped on the table with me and started doing a dance off! yeyah! i'm not even kidding. i know this story deserves much more description, but no joke. i'm exhausted.

I sang and danced until i got ill...which is what i think i just became. i'm going to need some soup, a movie, and a few magazines..and maybe some chocolate...i'm not saying you should come over and do that..but you now if you want;) hahah;)

oh good night and good day. i'm so excited to see what else my life has in store. aren't you?

bummed

i don't need to complain.
actually i really shouldn't.
I'm off to a new start, with new beginnings.
new friends, new life, new pictures, new stories..but
we are talking about tonight.

I agreed to a house sitting job, that turned into a dog sitting job, and did i mention, also watching two kids? The kids are super sweet, and so are the dogs, but to my knowledge, my nights were supposed to be off.

Now normally i would suck it up, however I have about 2 weeks left in SB, and would love to just hang out with my friends, while i currently have the convenience of walking down the street to see them.

So now, i'm sitting in an office filled with God knows what and i'm just putzin' around. wah wah wah! ..pause...

okay so now i am continuing the wah wah's of last night.
I was literally just waiting around for the night to end, the boys came home, and we watched a movie...a cheesy one, but it worked out pretty well:) I suppose i am just a selfish yes....i wanted to go out..but can you blame me...

p.s. its all workign out, and i think this weekend will be a great one;)

LG

one more maui moment

Its been a long journey to say the least. i have arrived yet again to an airport terminal. but its not the terminal i originally arrived at. I was left in honolulu for a night, and let me just say its not the shabbiest of places to be “stuck” in.

My time in Maui was definitely a time of reflection. I f I were to tell the full story some would agree, some would be agrressive, and some may be ashamed. Not to sound negative or devilish, but for now, what was in Maui, stays in Maui. I don’t think i’ve had fully enough time to reflect.

To share the good parts, i spent countless hours in the sun “working”, met some pretty amazing friends, and in the end definitely had my frown turn upside down. The stress of work, finances ,and expectation slowly melted away, and i realized from now on, if i’m going to take a vacation, i better make it two weeks.

To let you in on why I am sitting in Honolulu eating corporate america (pizza hut and starbucks..the plane food is way more, and not half as fatty delicious..heheheh), I’ll begin by saying, if you have a flight canceled, get what you need to get done and head on back to the beach! Time’s a waistin!

I arrived in OGG airport with time to spare. As i reached the check in counter I asked my bags to be taken all the way to Los Angeles so i didn’t have to check in all over again. With a puzzled face, the lady looked at me and said, “I”m sorry your flight was cancelled.” Smiled her Hawaiian smile, and started working on something else. Shocked by how happy go lucky she was, I said “what do i do!”. “Go to ATA (smile)”

I gruntled my way over to the desk (thankfully right next door) and asked the assistant what i Should do. “ i’m sorry i just work here i don’t know what you should do.” ?????? what! what do you mean!!!!! How could someone work and not know what to do! He told me it was due to weather conditions which was a total flop because it was sunny in Los Angeles. He then told me if I waited till 12:30 i could talk to someone. GReat! too bad my connecting flight was leaving at 12:30.

I didn’t know what to do. Stay in Maui, or be left in God knows where.
I went. as i got on the plane, i could just feel my tear ducts water up. I was so exhausted, frustrated, and alone....but who cares! I am always up for an adventure, but i just couldn’t handle the idea of an adventure right now.

I sat in my seat and was pleasently surprised when my seat partner began talking to me. Normally i’m so exhausted i don’t want to talk to a soul. Shut upt and let me sleep! But I allowed it. Turns out he works for golf tournaments. PGA tour? i’m sure some of you “golfies” know what that is. i apologize for my ignorance in advance.

We talked for the 30 minute ride over, and he said something that opened my ears “ I came over here. I sat down and heard the good Lord say, you better take care this child. I said ‘OH Lord i will! I will!’ “ I laughed a bit, and knew it was not coincidence he had said this. God was watching. He was pursuing. He knew what was up.

Getting off the plane was the actual beginning of my “work out”. AS i got off the plane I was directed toward ATA. As I got to the terminal, the lady at the kiosk said i needed to go downstairs. Problem: my bags were still in baggage claim with Hawaiian, which was 6 terminals the other way.

I decided to get my bags, and as I walked down i saw my new friend and he let me know it was taking them awhile to get the bags off. So back another 6 terminals to see what to do. maybe i could still get a flight out. Maybe it was only delayed.

I trecked back to Terminal 6 to talk to ATA where i waited 30 minutes to find out some great news. Iwould have a flight out the next morning, my hotel would be taken care of, food would be taken care of, and did I mention...a free roundtrip flight! where am I going to go!!!!!

Excited by the news but still exhausted by everything else, I got my paper with all the perks. The man at the Kiosk then let me know i had 10 minutes to reach the shuttle that would take me to the hotel. 10 minutes! I told the man, that i had still left all my bags at hawaiian. With a HUGE sigh, he let me know i could get my bags and he would find me a taxi.

Once i got to the hotel, i was just about ready to pass out, when i looked out across the lanai, and saw the sun still high but ready to descend. I threw on a bathing suit, grabbed some writing material, and made my way down to the beach.

Being on the sand was a lot different then from my birds eye view. there were people everywhere! i mean EVERYwhere. I put down my towel, my sorang, and dove into the water. I was enjoying myself relaxed in the crystal blue water when “ go go go. C’mon you can do it” i looked towards shore and 30 some odd people were swimming towards me full speed! I swam as fast i could out of the way and made my way towards some rocks.

Slowly making my way back to shore, the waves pushing me forward, i scraped my toe on a rock. Bleeding, i confidently walked through the water, back to my beach towel. I laid there for a while, trying to figure out whether or now i should go shipping or sit in my room. I decided to sit in my room.

i got up to the room and noticed the sun was getting ready to set. Grabbed my guitar and played to my hearts content. I had a private show, and even had some applause:) hehehe..okay not really , but that would have been cool. i did play though.

I ended the evening with dinner with a friend from the North Shore. In the end, it was a great trip, and i'll be going out again. I can already feel the stresses of every day life entering my mind. I think its already time for a vacation. bon voyage!


this was my room:)








food;)


my poor toe. can you see the bandaid?


the sunset:)

tiddle

so, inspired by my friend matt..this is going to be short..and sporatic.

I wasn't intentionally going to share this, but its whats on my mind.
all to say i fell for cute.
anytime anyone says "oh that is so cute!" or "you are so cute" courteously smile, but don't buy into it.

AT JCrew I am not encouraged to say cute. Reason being, it is an over used word. its kind of like what we do to any American word. At one point it had value, and then we devalue it by over using it. (biggest example the word love)

anyhow, I fell for "you are so cute" I tried to put it behind me, but.. i fell for it, and hours after i left mr. "cute" he was already utilizing the word with someone else. nice..real nice.

so please, learn from me , and don't fall for cute..fall for brilliant :) hahah

processing muck

In all honesty, i have no idea what i am talking about. I DO know that I am in a deep processing mode, and today..well the past week, i have been processing the ideas behind risk vs. sacrifice and even more truly..relationship.

God created human beings so delicately and intricately. We were built for relationship; our bodies and minds attempt to understand the full manifestation of why we are here, and how we do this thing called...Love.

Jesus Christ expressed his love by not only risking his title (and leaving behind any and all reputation) but sacrificing his body to save souls. I, on the other hand, am risking my face by dating more than one person at a time, all the while being completely honest about it. In the end..i hope to sacrifice myself to only one person. I suppose comparing myself to the almighty savior, is a bit over the top, but you understand the analogy, yes? I am looking for Love. True Love..which takes risk and sacrifice.

Perhaps i am a crazy loon and more recently a "serial dater" but I am really trying to figure this whole thing out, and at the same time, risking what was built sacred; a perfect relationship, between myself and God.

I have a choice. To risk my relationships or sacrifice my flesh and put it behind me.
Right now, i am like watching a young child take apart a toy then trying to put it back together without the proper tools. Experts would say your child may be the perfect candidate for an engineer. In my case, i am the perfect candidate to a broken heart.

Now don't go getting sad for me, i have something valuable that some less experienced have been able to conquer through my"salad" of bad break ups. I have learned how to guard my heart. There is a definite line however to guarding the heart and shutting the heart off. Pushing a callous on your heart only devalues any sense of relationship, as well as compromises one's self; respecting one's body for instance.

In my recent "experiment" I came to a heart wrenching hypothesis. I say hypothesis, because by no means does learning relationship have any true conclusion...at least shouldn't... but more on that later.

Hypothesis: I am a needy, idealistic, indecisive creature.

Now this is the hypothesis for me, not everyone (perhaps?) here's my current scenario...it goes a little like this.

*I thought i liked a boy
*I go visit boy
*I meet other boy
*Boy 1 is great BUT
*i'm not as interested as Boy 2
*stop and realize. I may not be interested in either but instead just risked my entire self in realization:

Hypothesis: i am a needy, idealistic, indecisive creature..
Theory: I'm still experiencing everything. and in doing this, i play the game of Risk. The hard thing is, sometimes these "risks" i take i already know the end result. why i just don't sacrifice myself and not start anything....well thats just me being foolish.

With every fall, a scar is rewarded. that scar tells a story and that story is what reminds us of how not to repeat something. Sometimes we learn from other's scars, and a perfect example for me is the story of Jesus Christ. Even when he rose from the dead, he still had scars that remained and reminded the disciples of the sacrifice he took in order to free them from their sins.

By no means am i saying go out there, and do whatever you want and fully risk yourself, mind, body and soul. NONONONONO. What I am saying is, sometimes we put our selves out there, and get more than we expected. Having the responsibility over so many things, we need to make rational decisions, but even in ration we need to sacrifice. and it hurts. but that is a growing relationship. How does one grow without growing pains. If we never hurt, we never grow. We never risk, we never know.

As i close my ranting, i do need to say this. I am enjoying what life brings to me now, and perhaps this strange escapade is not only for me to experience. Perhaps its for you. A song to be inspired by or a story to get you moving. All i know is..I'm still figuring things out, but i need to start sacrificing my wants and risking what i THINK will be my losses and in turn gaining love.