Another day and another dollar

As I sit here awake in bed at an "early" 2 am, i look inside my closet that is slightly in front of me and stare at my purchase of the day. A short black cap sleeved dress with polka dot rosettes in the front. I splurged. I splurged a whole $26 and some odd cents. Splurge you might think? well yes. Its been a few months off tour and with moving to a completely different state and being rehired at my previous job for a few months, i also had to get the horribly bad news that I would have to take a major major ..and i mean major paycut.

The funny thing is its alright. The cost of living in Nashville is much much less than Los Angeles, but thats all i'm really doing...living. Staying at home, watching a few movies, eating a few potato chips hoping a song will inspire me to move and write it down, but instead staring balnkly at our fluorescent green wall because i really have nothing else to do and nowhere i can afford to go.

I had a friend come over last night. We had met at a show a few weeks back. My roommate and i went because..well it was free. It turned out to be a really really great show at this place, the basement. My new friend Ryan was teasing me a bit as I was playing the small harmonica around my neck. We got to talking, exchanged numbers, and have been trying to get together ever since. Last night was our first hang out that was more than 10 minutes.

It was great! We stayed at my house and a slew of other people were staying over so it just felt very full and warm and great conversations were definitely thrown around each room in our humble abode. Ryan at one time looked at me and said, "you don't like to leave your house do you?" I thought about it.....its not that i dont like to get out of the house, i just really don't know what else to do. Its cold, everything costs money, and when i have the people i love in my house, why would i want to go.

But Ryan did have a point. I should be out meeting people and hanging out not settling in and sitting on my butt. Well, i guess there's two sides. One side, i should be getting out and meeting people, the other side i should definitely be staying in and playing music, but! problem with that is, my creative times are really early in the morning. for example right now. I usually never write unless i'm in some place foreign or its really late/ early in the morning.

Whatever the case my life seems to be whirlwinding around money. I either have enough but i toss it here and there or i don't have enough so i'm forced to live paycheck by paycheck and not really getting done what intended to do.

The focus for me now is finding a job. and of course the industry i'm in..there's just no jobs available. I"m praying. somethings gotta give. as much as i enjoy selling scarves and tailoring pants...this is not my life. it can't be.