Seasonal Depression intro that turns into Bad Guy Face

I really really tried waking up early.
but as i rolled around in my bed i couldn't seem to do it. Back home in California my room is walled with windows, so 7:30 the sun rises and I am up with the birds! 8 am alarm went off..snooze..8:15 alarm...snooze. I couldn't do it!

As i finally rose from my slumber the sun just plummeted into an abyss of flat lands and i clumsily dressed myself to go to work. Driving to work same old story. what am i doing what am i doing. Rather than bore myself with monotonous thoughts, i carried on my day like a zombie.

I problly should have taken pictures but I did make a mean pasta...and really this blog is of no purpose other than to put me in the practice of writing ...and in all truth is keeping me from saying what i really want to say.. lets just say i have to confront a situation that is really dumb, and similar to my monotonous thoughts, i'd rather just carry on with the day and just blurt it out.

the problem is I'M TIRED OF BEING THE BAD GUY! why can't people just take major major hints and before it has to get too intense, assume that the intensity they're feeling is just that!! Do what i don't really want to blatantly say you need to do... confused yet?

You know what i mean though right?! Lets say someone needs to pay you back and your the type of person who doesn't want to bring it up, but you know you have to ( this is so not a financial thing..if you owe me something i'll let you know) you keep hinting " so see you bought like 100 bones of grocerys today...and you eat like a bird..i'm pretty starving these days" the person just looks at you like "yep" and continues playing stupid. So you try the note thing "Jon Smith owes me $150" ..but still nothing. So you know you have to put it out there..but you also know this person is defensive..and probably really doesn't care.

so you end up going bonkers! or maybe not.. i'm just at the point that i'm going to have to be the bad guy. I"m going to have to hear the excuses why someone can't do something because of "x" and "y" when i'm not seeing any progress and all i'm seeing is nonsense...gah!!!

pray for me..i'm headed for battle with a wall...all the while fighting against this lack of vitamin D..and motivation...missing tropical weather.