Excuse me, I'm shy, or maybe I don't believe in myself...

“Do you have any cashmere? Excuse me? Miss?”

I had zoned off into some outer space dream world, “la la land” When she said the word cashmere, I heard her, but the tangible item was not ringing a bell.

“ why yes m’am, right...” I stopped. I recognized this face. A sweet as apple pie face. Sissy Spacek, I had recently found her daughter Schuyler Fisk’s music, and I loved it. So of course out of everyone else in the store I would be helping her.

I showed her to the cashmere, and hesitated a moment. “We can also order anything we don’t have here for you and have it shipped to your home, or if you feel more comfortable I can see about arranging it to be sent to our store for you to pick up.....and I love your daughters music”

Yep...it came out. the La in me would soon come out in me. Soon we would talk about how i heard her music, ‘and oh by the way I’m a musician too’ but instead, I just did my job.

“What do you think about this color dear? oh! but this one is nice too! Oh I can’t decide. Maybe I should just be basic” Well, if you need a basic, a lot of people go for the black, but I prefer the heather gray or navy.” “Well, alright then! I’ll take both”

I took her to the register and began to ring up her purchases. I can feel the pull inside of me, “Lisa..just do it. She seems really nice, I’m sure she wouldn’t be offended..this is your chance!!”

“Well, thank you so much for your help today, what was your name again?” “Lisa..uh..” “Thanks again, Lisa. Bubye now!”

“uh..bubye!” Dangit! Oh well. Maybe she’d come in again who knows. I went back on to the floor, arranging some denim, again zoning off into space. I looked around at my other associates. These people weren’t my friends. They were my work associates. We all had separate lives, separate agendas, and what was I doing here. Why! Was I here.

Before I knew it, it was time to leave. My grandparents usually would pick me up, but my friend Samantha and I were going to grab dinner and catch a show at Hotel Cafe. I leaped into her car, and took a deep breathe

“you okay?”

“yeah, i’m fine. Just needed to take in the fresh air..or as fresh as la air can be. Gah! I just get so....so annoyed!! I go into that store day in and day out, help people get dressed, and then what, go to shows and watch people do what I want to do? I need to get myself together”

“well, glad your day was a good one!” Samantha was always good about chearing me up, and speaking logically. Although she was a few years younger than me, she was always wise.

“Well, i think our production company is going down the gutter,” “well aren’t we a duo!” I replied.

We spent the rest of the drive venting about what was happening on our day to day, and then amping eachother up as far as what we could do about it. We both worked in the industry, and we were both..bored.

We got to Hotel Cafe, and waited by the bar. Sometimes Marco was there. He was always so cute. I had heard he had dated an asian girl. I had also heard he was cautious with who he dated as many would try and use him, so I always just looked from afar to keep things interesting.

As people began to fill the room, My arm was pulled forward. My crocheted sleave was tangled in a very tall slender womans handbag. “Oh I’m so sorry!! Are we going to have to cut it?” “ no no no, I think i can untangle it, I probably shoulddn’t be wearing crocheted sweaters to crowded places!” I was so caught up with untangling my sleave I didn’t look up at her till it was almost untangled...Mandy Moore. I didn’t think she was so tall! She towered above me! I looked down..no wonder. Not only is she already tall, she was wearing a tall heel.

We broke free from our entanglement, she apologized again with a smile, and then I just stood there....what the heck dude..really. Missed opportunities! The music began to play, and low and behold...Schuyler fisk was playing. I looked to the front and there sitting on the floor in the front was Sissy.

After Schuyler’s set, I said hello to Sissy, and with sweet open arms she hugged me and thanked me for helping her out. “Schuyler sounded amazing. I really enjoy her music” I commented. “Oh REaly!! oh you are too sweet! It is always so sweet to my ears to hear great things about my daughter. Thank you!”

Sissy was so elated I didn’t feel proper to talk about myself. Tonight was about her daughter....but I tried slipping a business card in her purse. Another friend of mine who was there, gave Sissy's manager one of her demo’s. Brave. What was my problem! As I began to leave, Sissy stopped me and handed me one of Schuylers Ep’s. ‘”Thank you Sissy. I’ll be sure to enjoy it”

I left with a bittersweet feeling. i was excited to be so calm and accepted by two celebrities, but I was disappointed in myself. Why was I so shy? Am I ashamed of my passion? no...so what is it...