FEATURED ON APPLE.COM!

yep..I did a background vocal part for some friends of mine, the Pseudo Rebels. You may be familiar with their remix of Kid Kuddie's song "Day and Night". For the music video we all went to the apple store at a certain time, and silently set up our "gear" at 2:17 or other. we all pressed record and made this amazing music video! Mind you we did get kicked out..but now its actually featured on apple.com.. hahah! how awesome is that!

Enjoy!

Seasonal Depression intro that turns into Bad Guy Face

I really really tried waking up early.
but as i rolled around in my bed i couldn't seem to do it. Back home in California my room is walled with windows, so 7:30 the sun rises and I am up with the birds! 8 am alarm went off..snooze..8:15 alarm...snooze. I couldn't do it!

As i finally rose from my slumber the sun just plummeted into an abyss of flat lands and i clumsily dressed myself to go to work. Driving to work same old story. what am i doing what am i doing. Rather than bore myself with monotonous thoughts, i carried on my day like a zombie.

I problly should have taken pictures but I did make a mean pasta...and really this blog is of no purpose other than to put me in the practice of writing ...and in all truth is keeping me from saying what i really want to say.. lets just say i have to confront a situation that is really dumb, and similar to my monotonous thoughts, i'd rather just carry on with the day and just blurt it out.

the problem is I'M TIRED OF BEING THE BAD GUY! why can't people just take major major hints and before it has to get too intense, assume that the intensity they're feeling is just that!! Do what i don't really want to blatantly say you need to do... confused yet?

You know what i mean though right?! Lets say someone needs to pay you back and your the type of person who doesn't want to bring it up, but you know you have to ( this is so not a financial thing..if you owe me something i'll let you know) you keep hinting " so see you bought like 100 bones of grocerys today...and you eat like a bird..i'm pretty starving these days" the person just looks at you like "yep" and continues playing stupid. So you try the note thing "Jon Smith owes me $150" ..but still nothing. So you know you have to put it out there..but you also know this person is defensive..and probably really doesn't care.

so you end up going bonkers! or maybe not.. i'm just at the point that i'm going to have to be the bad guy. I"m going to have to hear the excuses why someone can't do something because of "x" and "y" when i'm not seeing any progress and all i'm seeing is nonsense...gah!!!

pray for me..i'm headed for battle with a wall...all the while fighting against this lack of vitamin D..and motivation...missing tropical weather.

SNOW DAY!

So it definito snowed a ton in Nashville..so why not! I made a video and put a song I wrote with good friend Brendan McCarthy. Enjoy it!

Jes Hudak on AOL! and meee tooo!!!!

I had ...too much fun working on this for miss Jes. I'm near her derriere as well as the left bottom corner looking like a freak!! enjoy! and support Jes Hudak!!!

Done

I laid there. Motionless. Waiting for 4pm to come. I waited for the moment I would begin to get ready. Foundation, eyeliner, chap stick. Keys, wallet, phone.

Before 4, I moved around slowly. I opened the door to my sound room and looked at the pile of work that had been neglected. I sat down. Piece by piece I went through it. Opened my email to erase past junk mail, but it was never ending.

I looked at my checklist. Pay AAA, Sign up with ASCAP, update Myspace. Monotonous. I looked at my door that is left up for my inspiration. Its filled with flyers of past shows and venues I'd played at. Pictures of friends now famous from when we were younger and going to the next football game was the only thing on our agenda. 2:30pm. I still felt like I had nothing done.

I felt like a dog trying to find its spot on the bed. Circling and circling then plopping down and settling. Then to realize the spot is still not right.

4pm. Foundation, eyeliner, chap stick. Keys, wallet, phone. I pulled out of the driveway. It began to flurry. Here I go. Back to my job. 4 hrs of work...for a $600 sale..for $15 pay. What am I doing.

I walked down the hallway and listened to each of my footsteps. Characterized by my heal I attempted to move slowly. And slowly in my thoughts I crept into work. Speaking to myself. I'm done. God just take me now. Nothing matters.

Success doesn't matter
Money doesn't matter
Who I am doesn't matter.
Purpose...what is purpose.
What is finding purpose and once found what do we do with it.

I'm done. Im so ready to meet God at the pearly gates of heaven. Thats all I want to do now. I don't want to talk to anyone or explain myself to anyone. I don't want to entertain anyone, or prove myself to anyone. I'm just done. GOD TAKE ME NOW! I scream inside.

I don't want to take my life. I just want to be done. I just want to say thank you. Thank you Heavenly Father, Please Please Please just wrap me in your arms. I surrender.

Cuz I'm done. so done.

God Help me.

So when does the fat lady sing

I pulled up to what looked like an old loading dock. In front of the structure, was a railroad track that just happened to have a circus train parked on it. I called my friend to make sure I was in the right location. I felt like I was on CSI about to scalevant the premises for some ground breaking evidence!

He opened the door to the building and we walked down a long hallway. Along the walls were an old vintage couch and boxes and boxes of a young man's cds. I smelled the incense and was interested to see what type of practice space we were heading into.

As Brendan opened the door my eyes lit up. I had never seen a space so amazing other than back in downtown la at my friend Crazy James. Every wall was covered in a story. Everything just breathed history and authenticity. I felt as if i had warped myself back home to CA where things made sense and moving forward was easy.

We sat down on a red velvet sectional. I took out my notebook and pen and grabbed the brilliant blue and gold indian inspired pillow from behind my back and into my lap. As I situated myself into the couch, Brendan had asked how life had been the past few days and somehow we got to talking about home in Santa Barbara. "Do you ever feel like you are just living for the day hoping the next day will be better" I couldn't have agreed more.

We continued our writing session with fervor and Brendan began to get hungry. We took a quick break and went to a local fave Mexican restaurant. We decided to get our meals to go. As we got back in the car a few more lines for our song came forward. We were anxious to eat, but as we got out of the car into the brisk afternoon air, Brendan told me about the circus train.

Apparently while the circus is in town, the train stops on the track. The performers use the train cars similar to a tour bus. After a long night of jumping, leaping, singing, and awing the crowd, they retreat back to the train cars. 'Wow' i thought what an amazing life. A life that never truly stops! It keeps going and going and going.

We walked back inside, and the familiar smell of incense enveloped my entire being and I was excited to finish our song. As we sat down to eat we got to talking more about home and what we missed about it. The food, the air, the people. As Brendan unrolled his last fish taco a strange burned like fragment rolled out. He looked at me, I looked at it, then looked at him, and he looked back down on it.

Brendan picked up this, what now looked like a burned end of a green onion and smelled it. As he sniffed it his nose twitched a little. He looked at me than slowly motioned the object close to my nose. As I smelled it we both started laughing hysterically. It wasn't an onion...it was the end of marijuana joint.

It was a strange relief to our conversation of home. It was beginning to get depressing discussing what I would be doing had I been back on the coast of California. The joint brought on a new adventure past the mundane day of waking up, going to work, writing a song, going to bed, lying awake wondering what my life is for. but it was a small smile to the mountain top of repetition for the day.

As we wrapped up our session and headed to my house to record a crap track, I took one last look at the train. I miss the road. I miss the excitement. I miss the adventure. I miss knowing that at the end of the long road a home awaits me. or does it. I wonder still what day i will lead tomorrow, and what person i would be if I stuck to staying at home, and if there has been any good of me moving and continuing my "dream". But! The Show must always go on, and the fat lady always sings over ..and over ..and over...it never truly stops...and I never truly will know.

PAULY D!

Thanks to my friend Andy, we had a great Birthday dinner and then fist pumped our way to McFaddens and blew the night away!! enjoy our escapade.